It's been a year. One year since I lost my dear Grandma. I miss her.
Last night The Babe went to give a blessing to a neighbor who may or may not have been having a heart attack, but who certainly had all the symptoms. When he got home and told me about it, I couldn't stop thinking about how fragile life is. My other neighbor just lost a cousin who was 8 months old. I don't know how a person can deal with such grief. But it made me think that any one of us could die at any time. We just never know. So then I had to wonder... am I good enough? I don't want to just be 'good enough' I want to be genuinely 'good'. I have so much to improve on. Then contemplating a lengthy discussion with our Bishop we had earlier, I wondered which of us would die first, The Babe or myself. And what would happen either way. What would my children do without a mother? What would they do without a father? What would I do without My Babe? What if I lost one of my children? Unimaginable questions. My children were at Grandma and Grandpa's house for a few hours while The Babe and I ran some errands in St. George, and when we got back, we learned that
Buggie tried to climb up on the shelf in the toy room, again. She's already done that once, you would think she would learn from the first time when the shelf and everything on it came crashing to the ground. But she didn't. She did it again. What if she had been hurt or killed by something on that shelf? I think she must have a couple guardian angels watching out for her, last night I prayed and asked for a couple more to help keep her safe.
Things I don't want to think about, but couldn't help myself. Life can change so quickly without warning, we just never know. The conclusion....I guess I just need to be my best self all day everyday! (easier said than done) But nonetheless, a lofty goal I'm willing to try.
I love you Grandma, I hope you know that!
P.S. turns out my neighbor just had a severe anxiety attack.
